5 Ways to Kill Your Relationship

5 Ways to Kill Your Relationship

The list of things that can happen to harm one's relationship is staggering, but probably the most unbelievable thing about it is that nearly everything that regularly causes couples to break up is, simply put, STUPID. At least 95% of relationship issues are totally avoidable with a little common sense, loyalty, and integrity, and you can see that by looking at the following 5 most common culprits for relationship death.

1) Being unfaithful (a.k.a. CHEATING).

This is the most disgusting and unforgivable offense, in my opinion. Traditionally thought of as happening when a guy can't keep his pants on, more and more women are having trouble having the human decency to be loyal to the ones they love.

2) Being demanding and controlling.

Everybody's probably seen at least one comedy movie where a happy-go-lucky guy is assaulted by his ogre of a woman, who can't seem to let go of the leash long enough for him to walk into the kitchen. Sure, silly facial expressions and overemphasized gestures make you laugh, but inside you know there's a part of you that's thinking "I'm so glad that's not ME getting a phone call every 10 minutes asking where I am." Well, don't make your partner that person...if boys and girls can't get along and trust each other, there's not much point in even having a relationship at all. Have a little trust.

3) Not providing the emotional support your partner needs.

I know, it's another movie cliche, this one usually in "chick flicks." We've grown so used to seeing it in movies that we often don't recognize it happening in real life or understand its impact on those we love. Having the love of your life not seem to really care about how you feel is a horrible thing that can cripple self-esteem in some people and really set others off. This can mostly be avoided just by listening to your partner, truly listening. Both guys and ladies need to feel like they matter to their partners, so don't let down the one you care about.

4) Letting fights get out of their role.

Whenever two people are stuck together for extended periods of time, even if those people love each other desperately and passionately, there are going to be clashes where one person feels one way and the other a different way...that's life, that's relationships. It can even be healthy to clear the air sometimes, but when you let a fight expand outside the boundary of being helpful, it starts really harming your relationship. Don't just shrug off your partner's concerns, but don't take fights too seriously either. Oh, and a tip for making fights a little less impactful: give in every now and again. ;)

5) Lack of "zest" in a relationship.

I'm not talking about craziness in the bedroom here, I'm talking about enjoying each other and the time you spend together, keeping things active and loving your lives together. Boredom and lack of spontanaeity is a deadly threat to relationships that's been on the uptrend lately, and nothing makes me sadder than when I hear of a couple that was beautiful for each other and loved each other deeply just kind of dissolving because there wasn't much there anymore. Stay creative with your love, and make every day you're with your partner as much of a blessing as it should be.

Comunication Skill

Communication Skills

Using communication skills effectively includes the use of listening skills when you are communicating by talking with another person.
Here's an example: I, a white-skinned person, asked a brown-skinned stranger in southern California to move his ladder away from an office door. I spoke to him in English and he responded by looking puzzled and saying nothing. Then, in fractured Spanish, I asked him if he understood me. He shook his head to communicate "no." I responded with gestures and more fractured Spanish. He finally understood that I wanted him to move his ladder, which he did.
This fragment of an interaction illustrates that listening skills includes "listening to" nonverbal communication.
The fragment also illustrates another point about the communication skill of listening--the importance of assessing whether your messsage is being received.

Improving Communication Skills oooooooo

When I am talking to someone and her eyes glaze over, I sometimes will say to myself:
"Maybe she's not interested in listening to the subject I am talking about"
"Maybe she doesn't understand what I am saying and is hesitant to ask for clarification.

"If her nonverbal cues suggest she is not interested, I might, for example:
pause so as to give her an opportunity to speak about a subject in which she is interested.
say "What do you think?"
say "What's been happening with you lately?"
say "Shall we change the subject?"